Real Estate Agent / Model: Brock Chapman

If there is one regret I can admit to it is the destruction of my friendship with Brock Chapman. He was a student and aspiring model when we met for our first shoot and I did some of my best work ever with him in front of my lens. We became very close friends and I shot with him constantly, when we weren't playing video games. I loved him then and a part of me will always love him for the friendship and also for what I learned about myself during that time.

I never thought of myself as having a true ego, which is ridiculous because we all have one, but I was the guy who always put everyone else above my own needs and best interests. That is until the day that Brock became a father and turned to me - his friend - and asked if I would remove all the fine art images I had done of him, some of which included nudity. My answer should have been "yes", but what I ultimately said was "no". Our work together had resulted in both of us getting noticed - him as a model and me as a photographer. I had won competitions with some of those images. I had been published in blogs, magazines and books with those images. Instead of thinking about his needs, I thought about the damage taking down those photos would do to my photography career, perhaps even limiting the notoriety I had gained from our work. I was also a bit offended that he only asked me and not some of the other photographers he had worked with who were well established. It would take years for me to fully understand that he turned to me BECAUSE I was his friend and assumed that I would put his best interests first. Sadly, I did not. This resulted in a lawsuit filed by him and his brother (whom I had also photographed) that painted me in the worst light imaginable, not to mention being full of lies. I was deeply hurt and insulted and my close friends developed an intense dislike for him.

I am older and wiser now - the lawsuit was dropped, I removed all his images from all my platforms and we apologized to each other. But something was broken that has never been fixed. I reached out to him on numerous occasions, like his birthday, only to receive a cursory "thank you" in response until the day came that I decided I would no longer put in the effort. Situations like this usually bear equal fault but if I had the opportunity to do it all over, I would have said yes because his friendship meant more to me than all the accolades I received for the photos we created. I doubt that we can ever truly fix the situation and I have made peace with that.

This image was an idea I had for a few years before meeting him and no one could have pulled it off as well as he did. It was featured in The Luxury Lifestyle Guide on his 21st birthday where it remains today (and is where I took the image from) so I feel it is OK to post it since it is still published.

Brock has gone on to be an incredible father to his daughter, become a real estate agent and a cancer survivor. He helps people in need and is an inspiration and hero to many. I am grateful for the friendship we once shared, proud of his achievements and humbled by the lesson he taught me about myself and it is because of that that I have spent the years since helping out those that are in need or less fortunate. It is the precursor for me having a foster son now.

He will probably never see this but if he does, I want him to know that our friendship was one of the great highlights in my life and my decision to say no one of my biggest disappointments and failures as a friend. He is the monkey on my back - the one thing I can't escape or let go of because it took  root in my soul and taunts me to this day. It is more than a decade too late but I truly am sorry for how things ended up. 

I miss you, old friend. And I love you every bit as much today as I did all those years ago.

**The website address listed in the original post is outdated. My current website is www.rSEANd.com